Funny Quotes

Quotes:
  • "Every murdererA person who commits murder. is probablyIn all likelihood; in a probable manner somebodySome person.'s old friend."
    -- Mary Westmacott
  • "I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyoneone person chosen without thought; anybody's golf game. It's called an erasersomething used to erase or remove markings."
    -- Arnold Palmer
  • "Kids. They're not easy. But theretheir has to be some penaltyA legal sentence. for sex."
    -- William Maher, Jr.
  • "MarriageThe state of being married. is a wonderfulTending to excite wonder or admiration; surprising; strange; astonishing; great. inventionSomething invented.: then again, so is a bicycleA vehicle that has two wheels, one behind the other, a steering handle, and a saddle seat or seats and is usually propelled by the action of a rider’s feet upon pedals. repair kit."
    -- William Connolly
  • "A drinkTo consume a liquid through the mouth. a day keepsThird person singular simple present form of to keep. the shrinkTo contract, to become smaller, especially through exposure to cold and moisture. away."
    -- Edward Paul Abbey
  • "I can't affordTo incur, stand, or bear without serious detriment, as an act which might under other circumstances be injurious; -- with an auxiliary, as can, could, might, etc.; to be able or rich enough. to die; I'd lose too much moneySome currency.."
    -- Nathan Birnbaum
  • "Advice is like castorcaster oil, easy enough to give but dreadfulCausing dread; bad. uneasyNot easy; difficult. to take."
    -- Josh Billings
  • "Doing nothingNot any thing; no thing. is very hard to do...you neverno time. know when you're finishedProcessed or perfected.."
    -- Leslie Nielsen
  • "A lot of peopleA body of human beings considered generally or collectively; a group of two or more persons. are afraid of heightsPlural of height.. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
    -- Steven Wright
  • "When we playedPast tense of to play. softballA game similar to baseball but played with a larger and softer ball which can be thrown overhand or underhand., I'd steal secondThe SI unit of time, defined as the duration of 9,192,631,770 periods of radiation corresponding to the transition between two hyperfine levels of caesium-133 in a ground state at a temperature of 0 when moving through space at zero (0) meters per second (or not moving); one-sixtieth of a minute (as it is the second division of the hour, the minute being the first). Abbreviations: s, sec; symbols: s (SI and non-scientific usage), sec (in non-scientific usage only). base, feel guiltyresponsible for a dishonest act and go back."
    -- Woody Allen

Try some of our other dictionary utilities:

Put the Quote Search on your site.
Choose a word, and find quotes about it. Easy to install and maintain.
Movie Quote of the Day on your site.
It's a different movie quote every day. Get the script. Easy install.
Put the Quote of the Day on your site.
Shows a different quote every day. You can change the color and size.